올해의 마지막 날이다. 올해 난 무슨 일들을 해왔을까? 정말 많은 일들이 일어났었다. 기쁨, 슬픔, 불행, 행복 만감이 교차했던 2007년은 이렇게 지나간다.
결과론적으로 생각한다면, 많은 사람들이 나를 객관적인 시각으로 바라본다면, 난 그렇게 생산적인 많은 일들을 만들어 내지 못했다고 그들을 나에게 말 할 것이다.
대한민국에 있는 대학교 4학년의 학생들 중 한명인 “서 병성”의 첫 번째 그리고 가장 중요한 것이 무엇이냐? 라고 묻는 다면 취업(?) 당연 취업일 것이다. 하지만 난 올해 취업을 하지 않았다. 못했다고 한다면 못한 것일 수 도 있다. 본인은 안 했다라고 언급하고 싶다.
그러면 취업이라는 골! 말고 대학교 4학년이 이루었어야 하는 다른 중요한 것들은 무엇이 있을까? 내가 생각하는 행복은?
행복은 무엇인가? 조금 더 늙어가기 전에 행복이라는 단어의 명확한 뜻을 나의 사전에 심어 놓아야 한다고 생각 했다. 취업을 하면 정신 없이 일해야 하며, 현실을 쫓아 달려나가는 데만 바쁜 그러한 삶을 가진다는 친구 선배의 말을 들으며, 나의 진정한 행복은 무엇인가를 알기 2007년 노력했었다. 미래의 나의 모습도 나의 행복 우선순위에 따라 그려지지 않을까? 지난 2학기에 수강했던 동양의 도와 지혜라는 수업은 들으면서 학생들과 나눈 행복은 사랑하는 사람과 함께 있는 것, 하고 싶은 일을 하는 것, 현재를 만족할 수 있는 나의 생각, 건강, 그리고 가족과 함께 하는 순간 등의 많은 생각들이 있었다. 그리고 나의 사전에 깊지는 않지만 얇은 행복의 뜻을 간략하게 다시 썼다.
나만의 행복을 알기 위해 정말 많은 시간과 과정이 필요했다. 쉬는 시간에 앉아 Mp3음악을 들으며 고민도 했고, 등굣길에 이른 아침에 가게 문을 여시는 아저씨의 희망찬 밝은 미소도 보았으며, 하굣길에 실적이 좋지 않은 붕어빵 아주머니의 근심 있는 얼굴을 보며 같이 마음도 아파했다. 또 무엇이 있었을까? 50명이 넘는 파티에서 술을 마시며 다음날 아침까지 많은 이야기와 웃음으로 시간을 보냈고, 혼자서 넉 달 동안 밥을 먹으며 외로움이 무엇인지 알기 위해 노력했다.
사람들은 이런 고민과 생각, 내가 투자한 시간들이 헛된 것이라고 말할 수 있다. 하지만 삶의 또 다른 관점에서 본다면 생산적인 일이 아니었을까?
December 27th, 2007
Christmas holiday is over. I woke up late today around 1pm. I actually woke up early at 6am and I had breakfast with my father around 7am. I went to sleep with my puppy after my father off to work. How cute he was and that just seeing him made me happy. Haku was sleeping on my ab. Despite me being in a hurry because of number 1, I didn’t move and saw how peaceful his look was. He woke up and did eye contacts for some minutes. I wasn’t even moving my body, I rather was careful not to wake him up but he knew that I woke up. I think he could recognize the different speed of my heart, pumping between I woke up and I’m in a sleep.
This morning I got Christmas present from my camera. It was memory chip in it. Few months after I got back Korea from Canada, due to my laptop, having virus I did have to lose all my memory I’ve got and put into my laptop. About 40Gb’s pictures, diary and everything. But the chip that I just found has about 100picuturs I took for 4days for Rocky mountain travel. I check all pictures again and again for about 20mints. Wow! It was like I just found my lost memories and I said thanks Santa!!!!!
SanTa Haku's here to say Merry Christmas!!
December 25, 2007
Christmas day in Korea is for party. Don’t get me wrong. Because I probably was right that people would rather to spend it with friends or someone whom they like or love. And I should say sorry for people who environmentally or physically can’t be with their family for x-mas.
I took a bus, heading to the city of Jin Ju to see my family for this holiday. All my family called me many times and said come to Jin Ju. I think I’ve been really good to keep that my family always comes first to me. This year many sad things happened to them and they deserve to have great time with whom they truly love who is me. Cool!!!. So I didn’t set any plan for Christmas :> .
My Puppy, Haku was first one, greeting me at the door. He jumped and tried to grab my both knees. I loved him, even though he was spitting on my face ^.^. me, my parents and my younger sister went really nice BulGogi restaurant for lunch and we went straight to get beer. And guess what was next? Karaoke!!!!!!!!! was next place to be crazy. It was like Mic was bonded on my father’s hand and my mother was trying to take it off. I was in the middle of war but it was so funny to my younger sister and me. We came over Bakery shop to buy cake and we ended up eating it in the best comfortable zone, MY HOME. The other night someone said I did not know what love is. But I saw the true love my family has and I have for four of us.
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This is my school.
December 23, 2007
I’m not officially a student in 2months but I can say there’s no more responsibility around me as being a student from now on! It’s quite sad that I should say good bye to my school where I’ve have great time with my all friends I did learn many good things and bad thingsJ. Yes, I’m going to graduate it however I don’t plan to work for coming 3months. The thing is that some jobs I was offered didn’t match my interests, strong points and my future plan which is extremely important. Then you guys would ask me why I did apply for those jobs, Yes I was in a hurry and I was so eager to work in Seoul for some reasons that I seriously wasn’t careful of seeing what I was doing. Once I know I’m competitive and so I could get more chances next year, I’m not going to just see those chances will pass by me. I will knock every single chance next year! Don’t call me crazy.
this is where my friend's Devin lives and his place is at the top!
December someday, 2007
Okay. Where to start? I’ve been stop updating this for a while due to my final test, which ended up well and Christmas party with Devin and his girl friend their some Korean friends.
Thanks Devin and Tamara(?) (I’m not sure if its spelling is right for her name.) It was around 6pm few days ago. I got text from my friend, Devin. Can you come my place for Christmas party? What a coincidence!! I was thinking to text him in order to say happy Christmas!! Anyway, it wasn’t easy to say “YES, I’d love to do it” because if it is party for him and his girl’s school teachers, I would be the third wheel. Well I relatively sociable and people say I’m good at being absorbed in any place with any kind of people but I made a decision when it comes to meeting new people, be more careful about everything not to make my image that I’m just hanging around foreigners for some bad reasons after something happened to me a month ago. Anyway, it turned out the party was with mainly his Korean friends and I wasn’t hesitating to go!
Oh My God. His place was at the top, 51st floor in the build, called Centrum Park in Heaundea. Is the CN tower in Toronto is higher than this? Was what I thought when I saw super beautiful night scenery through the window ;). It was awesome that I was able to see Gwang An bridge which is one of the Busan attractive and famous place where Busan fireworks show held, with cool ocean view. I still remember his previous apartment which was also good to me. Well his life looks wonderful!! He likes his job and teaching English in Korea, having awesome place to stay with his adorable girl friend. He and his girl math really well and they are so lovely well. (I wasn’t maybe able to find a girl before) I believe that’s why they are together. And I was wondering how many foreigners are as happy as my friend, Devin is with their current Korea life.
Sweet rush!!! Guess! My body doesn’t need any sugar nutrition next year and I got to work out really hard to get rid of this sweet weight. Chocolate cookie, cheese traditional something, etc. I’ was stunned when I saw Devin’s homemade arts!! J We played drinking game and with this game we know about our some private things. It was all fun!!
17th. Dec. 2007 . Mon.
How great it is to see New Car, Genesis Hyundai just published about a week ago. I already new that this car was supposed to release this time 1year ago as one of the people who love car and Hyundai car. Two kinds of displacement cars, 3.3 and 3.8cc(290 horse power)are going to come to see us and they are for domestic.(For North America and other countries, Z will be much stronger and bigger then them.) Why Hyundai and KIA made this work of art is not only to change cheap image but also to lesson people who Korea cars are just crap. Why did I think like that? The thing is that this Z's main competitor is Es330 of Toyota and BMW's some kind of cars,having same horsepower.
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14th. Dec. 2007
It was sunny today, that made me feel really cool. I enjoyed coffee with chatting with a beautiful girl who is my friend.Ara. she has real sweet heart and seems to know how to show the faith to people. We just talked about how differnt guy and girls are and that lessened me something, important in relationship between couple just A person hit my brain while talking with about it with her. But I'm not mentioning about it. yes I was a damn silly guy before, childish, grabber and immature. just hope not to do the same mistake again. Though it was for about 30min's talk, she made me forget pressure, pushing me my both shoulder from final term.
Oh my god. The test was in two hours and my brain started not working properly. had no idea what was going on with me. The talk from people, sitting around me wasn't that bothering me but I didn't find why my brain was completely white.
통계분석론 is OVER. I won't take this class again. Just why I did study that a lot and what did i do for this test were hitting my head. my test was bad. Do you think how hard I worked for this once I know would be the last chance to make my GPA better. my all troubles went for nothing. what's done is done. I can't take it back. There won't be me, being sad. there will be me, excited with happy new year and such a good plan.
I seriously wanna write this but fuxx tired now so catch up later guys.
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